Kinda Like Restoring a Beat-Up Car

Do you have a car that you’re really nostalgic about? I’m not talking about supercars or your favorite car from a movie or a game or anything like that. I mean, is there a car that represented a time in your life? One that you’d love to have back? Both because you liked the car, and also because it was once an important part of your life?

I have one.

(This isn't the exact one, but it's close!)

I had a third generation, 1980s Honda Accord in high school and college. It was pretty ancient by the time I got it, but it was well-maintained, had shockingly low mileage on the odometer, and plenty of life in it. That thing carried me through roughly seven years of struggle and growth. It steadily had more and more issues, culminating in overheating problems that made it untenable to keep throwing money at it. Still, I loved that little car, and I would get another in a heartbeat.

Was it exciting? No. Was it quick and nimble. Not really. Was it fast? Heavens no! But it was what I needed. It was also simple and something I could work on myself when basic things came up. One of my college friends and I had to change the alternator in a parking lot so it could get us home for fall break, for instance.

If one came up for sale near me, I’d really think about getting another one. It’d never be a performance car, far from it. But it’d be an absolute joy to breathe a bit of life into one when it’d been given up on, to give it a new lease on life. To take it on trips (and get it to a point where it can somewhat reliably make those trips!)

I’m trying to adopt the same attitude with how I take care of my body.

It’s so, so easy, in this age of GLP-1s and fast-and-dirty weight loss solutions for overweight and sedentary people like me to treat wellness like a war with oneself. Like we have to hack the mainframe and attack it from within to get the results we want. And this sort of attitude has ebbed and flowed for me this last decade or so. I started gaining weight in my college years and, between school and grad school, getting adult life figured out, and keeping myself distracted, wellness has been at the very, very bottom of my priority list. I also went through some trauma in my teen years that affected how I saw myself. It was something I had to cope with and grow through; while mentally and emotionally I have healed and grown, my body carries the physical and metaphorical weight of that long process.

That, and I have a sometimes-unhealthy relationship with food. It’s a comfort when I’m upset and a fixture for celebrations, to a degree that isn’t good. The weight has been frustrating but it’s the weakness and lack of endurance or capability to handle physically demanding activity that has been humiliating and disheartening. It wasn’t that long ago that I could work outside and keep up with intensive lawncare work. I miss being able to do more. I miss having a body that doesn’t give up early on, and I hate having ambitions writing checks that my body can’t cash.

Over this last month, I have started taking steps to reverse course. I started swimming two to three times a week, and doing light-resistance cycling on an exercise bike once or twice a week, filling in the gaps with light free weights. And it’s been hard. Lifting and swimming both revealed how weak my muscles and tendons and joints have gotten from disuse, and it has taken a few weeks to shake off that rust.

But, today I swam fifteen laps without needing to soak in the hot tub or take a long break. It’s been low-intensity stuff, doing slow backstroke kicks one way, then a head-up breaststroke the other, but it’s been a good start. When I started a month ago, I couldn’t hardly do four laps without being exhausted. Finishing up lap fourteen and starting lap fifteen, I had to hold back from crying to finish, since it’s the first real goal I have reached since starting. One that felt unattainable just weeks ago.

Driving home after grabbing dinner and groceries, I thought about this journey in terms of a barn-find car. You can’t exactly hold it against an old car that hasn’t been driven for fifteen years for having flat tires and suspension issues! Getting that thing running and on the road again is gonna take some real work. But man, it’s cool once you do. And if you’re not gonna do it, who will?

Those restorations usually aren’t full overhauls, not unless you have thousands and thousands to throw at it. More often than not, it’s a new belt here, new shocks there, a new fuel pump and replacement headlights to get it home, and you keep working on it a bit at a time. And maybe it’s a ways away before you can get it painted and looking how you’d like, but it’s a real joy to see it taking shape a little at a time.

I’m trying to see myself in the same light.